When I was a little girl, I really loved Grease. I had the soundtrack and I listened to it non stop, I sang and danced all the time. But there was one song that I never really understood until very recently. “There are worse things I could do” which at its core tells the dilemma of most girls which is what role do I want to fit into because there are cons to all of them and people will judge you no matter what.
It was ingrained in me at a very young age that I needed to be the girl that stayed home every night and find Mr. Right who was Mormon and always puts God first. It was assumed that I would be a virgin and give my special flower away once I married said Mr. Right. And now I am 18 years old, almost done with my freshman year of college, and I have never kissed a guy or even been on a date. I decided in high school that I was meant to be single and that I was not meant to be married. I am very much okay with being alone. I mean I absolutely love myself and my life when I’m not procrastinating. But when I said it in high school I never truly meant it. However, I recently came to acknowledge two truths about myself:
- I truly do not want to get married. I cannot see myself ever being in that position, maybe that all will change but I seriously doubt that.
- I am not okay with never having gone on a date or kissed anyone. Not that I am pining after a particular guy any guys at my college in general but I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out on this common experience that everyone around me has had.
In the song, she mentions the girl who is a giant flirt and a tease who leads every guy on. I have never wanted to be that girl. I have always struggled with the people around me wanting me to be the girl waiting for Mr. Right and taking cold showers and my own inner feelings of what if I want to be the girl who doesn’t wait, the girl who has experiences. But if I did that would I automatically be a slut? Even though I only plan on having safe sex with people that I’m dating? This is the conundrum faced by many girls on and off screen. We either tell ourselves that we have to wait or we tell ourselves that we don’t. The problem with me waiting for marriage is simply the fact that I just don’t think I’m on that path. I would be totally fine with having a long-term boyfriend and being perfectly happy with him but having the ability to call it quits when I’m not feeling it anymore. I like the escape from it. Marriage, especially Mormon marriage, is hard to escape.
I understand that if I choose to live as the singer of the song, people will think I’m trashy. But I would absolutely hate to live with the regret of never having put myself out there. (even though just being in college should count as “putting myself out there” because that in itself is work enough) So, yeah, I don’t have any experience with relationships at all. The way that my college experience is going I probably never will.
