It has become widely acknowledged by most parents that if you have two children of the same gender then there is automatically the label of good one and the bad one. These labels can be broken down even more based on gender stereotypes.
Boys: Athletic one and the smart one
Girls: Pretty one and the smart one
It is not to say that one cannot also have other attributes; it’s just that one is more strongly in a certain category than the other one. Male gender stereotypes portray men as dominant and strong whilst female stereotypes portray women as weak and only defined by their attractiveness. These categories are not outwardly bad, they are two desired traits. But the expectations that go along with each can be highly damaging.
I was the smart one. I was the oldest and seen as the most responsible as well. My younger sister was the pretty one. She always had guys who wanted to go out with her and people would always tell her how pretty she looked especially in the church that we grew up in. People would always tell me that I would be prettier if I….
- Smiled more
- Changed my clothes
- Was more optimistic
- Was more extroverted
- Was more flirtatious
And so on….
None of these things are insults and some are probably true. But I had always had the basis that I should not have to change for people to like me. Granted that statement holds less weight when accompanied by the fact that I still have yet for a guy to like me or ask me out. But that is why I got used to being alone.
My sister always hated the fact that I was the smart one. She thought that it meant that she was dumb. But she never questioned why she was the pretty one and no one else questioned it either. It was a known fact that she was prettier. At a very young age I had come to the conclusion that because of this, I was ugly. I now know that I am not and that I am just simply the less attractive sister but it gave me some power in a really twisted way. I didn’t care what people thought of me because in my head no one was looking; because I was the ugly one I didn’t have to worry about my appearance. I just had to worry about getting good grades and the overwhelming weight of being the smart one. But since I have moved out of my parent’s house and into college life the weight seems lighter.
Overall these labels come down to gender stereotypes. One fits and one doesn’t. The smart guy is perceived as less social and less manly. The smart girl is perceived as less of a fragile pretty thing and as more of an individual. I am proud to be known not as the smart one, but as the one who doesn’t conform to gender norms. The one who is strong in her beliefs and is not just there for men to look at. There is power in being extremely pretty and there is power in knowledge. But the latter appeals to me more than any husband or boyfriend or date ever will.
